“The Call of the Wild”
There are some days when I just feel like ramping up my look, and I’ve always said I could get away with just about anything because people will look at me and say “Well, you know her, she’s an “ARTIST” as if they’ve just discovered a rare bird or possibly a new infectious disease depending on their level of digging it! And at first I might have dressed in brighter colors, or wear more jewelry, but now I find myself mix and matching in a way I’m pretty sure looks like a 3rd grader who’s been given free reign……when I exhibit at shows, I’m even more outrageous, and folks will round the corner each morning, coming to see what I have on for the day…. It makes me giggle when I hear people tell me they could NEVER dress like that but they are vicariously living through me! Like the lady at Walmart in Vegas (and yes, I was even shocking in Vegas for goodness sake) who asked me where I was headed, as in “why are you dressed like that” only to hear my reply “here……Walmart” ……I’m pretty sure I scared her but I kept my composure even still.
This all makes me think of one thing………permission…….what are we waiting for ? Are we needing a badge, a title, an atta boy to truly engage and be who we were created to be ? Oh, I totally get it, everyone was not meant to be just like me! I laughingly say I’m so glad that we are all so different because if we were all like me we’d be sick and in danger! LOL (doctor, policeman, nurse, )- I guess I just mean we get one shot at this life, and it’s our story to tell….. One of Anne Lamott’s friends kept getting tattoos and she would let the tattoo artist pick it which blew Anne’s mind and she told her “well it’s just temporary” which made Anne think they were temporary tattoos- but her friend said “no, Annie, this skin-its just a temporary place for my soul, why not have fun with it “….I freaking love that ……life, passions, and dreams were given to us, but so was the everyday of life ……my friend recently quoted Paulo Coelho as saying “If you think adventure is dangerous, try routine, it is lethal”……….wow……what he said ………I guess this week I am full of emotion and retrospect as last night I picked up the last few childhood things from my Mom’s house, which for a great majority of my life was my grandparent’s house……and soon it will be someone else’s new beginning….someone’s new story…….I had every Christmas memory in that house…..all my amazing cousins who I romped around with, the many “goodbyes” and “no we really are leaving” from my precious Unc, because he never wanted to say goodbye and was probably looking for another excuse to give you a hug……watching my Ma Ma Grayce get up at 6:00 with her hair net and favorite apron, so she could safely make homemade rolls for everyone, and my Pa Pa’s office, with that amazing collection of books, with a view of that incredible hill and wrote all those BEAUTIFUL poems of love ……..I found a file where he had saved all of his rejection letters for his books and entries into journals and it was like God all this week kept bringing me stories where people told of their failures which were really just a redirect …… ya’ll my Papa was BRILLIANT…….the thought that anyone could not love everything he wrote baffles me…..yet there it was, with the hand typed poems he had sent with their polite but direct rejections…..maybe he kept them to keep track of who he had sent them to, but knowing PaPa he did it to stay humble……he was a gentle giant in my eyes because of his nature…..as I sat there looking over the patio one last time, tears streaming down my face with my precious husband open armed and ready to give me a Texas sized hug, I saw the ebb and flow of how we need to be around comfortable places, and yet a greater need to leave them and go out into the wild scary places…….
And to all those sailing out into the deep blue abyss of dreams, I hope it comforts you to hear Seth Godin’s take on why we deal with the imposter syndrome…why even when you are right where you’re suppose to be, it most likely will be as frightening as hell……it’s so simple but tells it all…..”you feel like an imposter because you are- you’ve never done this before- you’ve never created this new piece of art, or built that building or written that poem. The path is completely unknown so if you didn’t feel like an imposter you must be a psychopath”! I deep down have always known I was an artist……looking at all my sketches saved I was already on the hunt for the wilderness…..but I can’t tell you how many times I’ve doubted myself- how many times I thought I was suppose to just know where to go, what to create and who would be blessed by these pieces……this week brought me home in a way I didn’t expect…..I was intimately reminded to stay close to my heart, expose all parts of it within what I create and be a light bearer for anyone who wants to see that light and remind them that its ok to be your messy self…… it’s ok you don’t have a clue what the next step is! THAT’S NORMAL in the wilderness! Create the weird, funky,outrageous stuff and your people will find you ……..get comfortable with being uncomfortable and always ALWAYS remind yourself that you are W.O.A.L. WORTHY OF AUDACIOUS LOVE!!!